[Lillian didn't answer at first. She raised her hand up from where she was stretched out on her bed, watching the metal fingers flexing, the way they turned and shifted along metallic knuckles and the way her shiny wrist vanished into the strange, red bracer that had replaced her forearm.]
[It was maybe twenty seconds before she answered, her arm dropping silently back onto the mattress.]
...Yeah. I'm alright. [It was an absolute lie, but she could worry about herself later.]
I'm more worried about you. That dream was...intense.
[that came about ten seconds in, mostly under Anna's breath. she could definitely tell that something was wrong and that Lillian really didn't want to talk about it, but she sure as hell wasn't going to call her on it.]
I'm fine. Or I will be, once I have time to actually figure out what all happened. Not just with you. There were a ton of other people all doing their fuckin' one vee ones with A2. Don't know how she kept getting back up, but I guess that's what she was built for.
[that... was a good question, but she was pretty sure she knew the answer already.]
Almost everyone. There was a kid she didn't attack, and I think she tried to talk it out with some other people. But she also definitely chopped off someone else's arm.
[ha ha, no, yeah, it was totally fine to just talk about this shit like it happened every day. like these were just the kinds of dreams Retrospec graced her with now.]
She kept acting like I coded her or something. I don't know enough about code to do that.
[mm. she really didn't like that. there were a lot of parts of the dream that she remembered beyond the specific fights, and she really didn't like what all of it represented. it might have been telling that this actually got her voice to falter a little before it came back firm.]
She's not. I don't care how realistic the dream was. She's not real.
[ugh. all of this was enough to give someone a crisis of identity, but... this really wasn't the time and place to get into that.]
I don't know what you did, exactly, but it must've been something good. I missed being able to talk to people like a normal person instead of walking around with stick so far up my ass I was coughing splinters.
[Lillian hadn't been sure, really sure, until right then. That this was the old Anna, not...well. She didn't want to focus too hard on it though, it had to be strange...]
Yeah, you were definitely uptight.
[A little pause, and her voice was teasing again, if lightly.]
No shit I was still hot. I wore glasses and two-inch heels. I could've stepped on any girl in the city and they'd have thanked me for the opportunity.
[and maybe she was swinging too far in the other direction, leaning too into her own identity, but she barely even had that and could anyone really blame her anyway?]
[and a smoky, scratchy, purely Anna peal of laughter rolled out at that question as she pulled her phone away from her ear for a second. this was what she missed. making dumb jokes, doing stupid shit, casual flirting... she exhaled and moved the phone back to her ear.]
Maybe I'll wear 'em just for you. If you think I'm so hot in glasses. Wouldn't want to disappoint.
[Anna's laughter had Lillian laughing as well, quietly, a little smile on her face. She'd missed the other more than she'd realized...or more than she'd been aware she needed to miss her, even, but it was all coming back now.]
Mm. [She made a thoughtful sound when Anna returned to the phone.] I ain't sayin' wear 'em all the time or anything. But they were definitely fantastic.
What, just special occasions? What special occasions am I getting invited to?
[though there was that whole megane subculture that would probably draw some more people to her at work. ...if her boss still fucking wanted her there after a two-month absence. god. more stuff to figure out later.]
[the bigger problem was finding a club or party in the city that she actually wanted to go to. she was an old woman, she had bone problems, her body protested every time she tried to move—maybe that was laying it on thick. it also wasn't the point. she paused and thought back to some of the things that she'd discussed with Lillian before, and, well. she decided to take it seriously.]
I mean, I'd have to check with Astin, but, like. [her free hand went up, gesturing in the air in front of her before remembering that she was on the phone—and remembering something else.] I didn't see the hyperactive little nerd the whole time I was doing that fuckin' librarian cosplay. Hope they're doing okay, too. Anyway, yeah. Still on the table, probably.
[she'd. really prefer it if her themfriend hadn't fallen off the app. but there's no way to prove it, right? not unless she went over there and they freaked out about her legs, and she wasn't feeling that right now.]
And, I mean. I guess if it goes tits up with them for whatever reason and I don't even get the chance to ask, you already know I'm down.
Nah, just means you're a good person. Which I knew, but I'm glad some stuff doesn't change.
[she was smiling on her end of the phone, and yeah, maybe that was coming through with her voice. she kind of hoped it was, but it had been a while since she'd done it.]
Thanks. For real. Long as you don't turn it into a self-sacrificing thing or anything.
[Lillian drew out another slow breath, bringing her hand up to watch her metal fingers shift as she wiggled them.]
Ain't really my style anyway. [It so was.] Anyway. You know, I'm sure I need to get some sleep but the whole idea of tryin' again has me completely freaked out.
Realtalk? [she paused as though Lillian wasn't going to let her finish.] Fuck no. Of course it doesn't. It's just shoving shit away. Doesn't solve a damn thing.
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[still. it felt good being able to talk like this again. and those were kind of enough, uh, pleasantries by now.]
You holding up okay? Figure you didn't call just to talk about cool blades.
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[It was maybe twenty seconds before she answered, her arm dropping silently back onto the mattress.]
...Yeah. I'm alright. [It was an absolute lie, but she could worry about herself later.]
I'm more worried about you. That dream was...intense.
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[that came about ten seconds in, mostly under Anna's breath. she could definitely tell that something was wrong and that Lillian really didn't want to talk about it, but she sure as hell wasn't going to call her on it.]
I'm fine. Or I will be, once I have time to actually figure out what all happened. Not just with you. There were a ton of other people all doing their fuckin' one vee ones with A2. Don't know how she kept getting back up, but I guess that's what she was built for.
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[Lillian let out another breath.]
And here I thought I was special. [She managed a little tease, as best she could.] But I ain't surprised, that was...
Was she just attackin' everyone who was in your dream?
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Almost everyone. There was a kid she didn't attack, and I think she tried to talk it out with some other people. But she also definitely chopped off someone else's arm.
[ha ha, no, yeah, it was totally fine to just talk about this shit like it happened every day. like these were just the kinds of dreams Retrospec graced her with now.]
She kept acting like I coded her or something. I don't know enough about code to do that.
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[Something else to think about later on.]
I ain't got a clue about that stuff, but she seemed way more real than any kinda program.
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[mm. she really didn't like that. there were a lot of parts of the dream that she remembered beyond the specific fights, and she really didn't like what all of it represented. it might have been telling that this actually got her voice to falter a little before it came back firm.]
She's not. I don't care how realistic the dream was. She's not real.
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Ain't really a big deal either way. You're you.
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[ugh. all of this was enough to give someone a crisis of identity, but... this really wasn't the time and place to get into that.]
I don't know what you did, exactly, but it must've been something good. I missed being able to talk to people like a normal person instead of walking around with stick so far up my ass I was coughing splinters.
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Yeah, you were definitely uptight.
[A little pause, and her voice was teasing again, if lightly.]
Still hot though.
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No shit I was still hot. I wore glasses and two-inch heels. I could've stepped on any girl in the city and they'd have thanked me for the opportunity.
[and maybe she was swinging too far in the other direction, leaning too into her own identity, but she barely even had that and could anyone really blame her anyway?]
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...Does that mean you're gonna stop wearing glasses?
[She is literally heartbroken right now, Anna.]
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Maybe I'll wear 'em just for you. If you think I'm so hot in glasses. Wouldn't want to disappoint.
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Mm. [She made a thoughtful sound when Anna returned to the phone.] I ain't sayin' wear 'em all the time or anything. But they were definitely fantastic.
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[though there was that whole megane subculture that would probably draw some more people to her at work. ...if her boss still fucking wanted her there after a two-month absence. god. more stuff to figure out later.]
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[Lillian's flirting was always teasing and silly, but the way she said that, she clearly believed every word of it.]
But I was thinkin' more like when we hang out. Or you ever decide to take me up on that whole makin' out thing.
[And back to the teasing.]
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I mean, I'd have to check with Astin, but, like. [her free hand went up, gesturing in the air in front of her before remembering that she was on the phone—and remembering something else.] I didn't see the hyperactive little nerd the whole time I was doing that fuckin' librarian cosplay. Hope they're doing okay, too. Anyway, yeah. Still on the table, probably.
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I shall hope to be lucky someday, then.
[A little laugh that faded as she thought about Astin. Hm.]
Maybe they were stuck in their own weird thing too.
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[she'd. really prefer it if her themfriend hadn't fallen off the app. but there's no way to prove it, right? not unless she went over there and they freaked out about her legs, and she wasn't feeling that right now.]
And, I mean. I guess if it goes tits up with them for whatever reason and I don't even get the chance to ask, you already know I'm down.
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[Lillian sighed.]
Pretty sure I should punch myself sayin' this but, I'd rather you don't have go through somethin' like that, no matter how it might benefit me.
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[she was smiling on her end of the phone, and yeah, maybe that was coming through with her voice. she kind of hoped it was, but it had been a while since she'd done it.]
Thanks. For real. Long as you don't turn it into a self-sacrificing thing or anything.
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[Lillian drew out another slow breath, bringing her hand up to watch her metal fingers shift as she wiggled them.]
Ain't really my style anyway. [It so was.] Anyway. You know, I'm sure I need to get some sleep but the whole idea of tryin' again has me completely freaked out.
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[she was a paragon of responsibility.]
Gotta get my heart rate down somehow, yeah?
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[Hm.]
Does that work? Gettin' high to deal with stuff.
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[but she still did it anyway.]
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