[Lillian hadn't been sure, really sure, until right then. That this was the old Anna, not...well. She didn't want to focus too hard on it though, it had to be strange...]
Yeah, you were definitely uptight.
[A little pause, and her voice was teasing again, if lightly.]
No shit I was still hot. I wore glasses and two-inch heels. I could've stepped on any girl in the city and they'd have thanked me for the opportunity.
[and maybe she was swinging too far in the other direction, leaning too into her own identity, but she barely even had that and could anyone really blame her anyway?]
[and a smoky, scratchy, purely Anna peal of laughter rolled out at that question as she pulled her phone away from her ear for a second. this was what she missed. making dumb jokes, doing stupid shit, casual flirting... she exhaled and moved the phone back to her ear.]
Maybe I'll wear 'em just for you. If you think I'm so hot in glasses. Wouldn't want to disappoint.
[Anna's laughter had Lillian laughing as well, quietly, a little smile on her face. She'd missed the other more than she'd realized...or more than she'd been aware she needed to miss her, even, but it was all coming back now.]
Mm. [She made a thoughtful sound when Anna returned to the phone.] I ain't sayin' wear 'em all the time or anything. But they were definitely fantastic.
What, just special occasions? What special occasions am I getting invited to?
[though there was that whole megane subculture that would probably draw some more people to her at work. ...if her boss still fucking wanted her there after a two-month absence. god. more stuff to figure out later.]
[the bigger problem was finding a club or party in the city that she actually wanted to go to. she was an old woman, she had bone problems, her body protested every time she tried to move—maybe that was laying it on thick. it also wasn't the point. she paused and thought back to some of the things that she'd discussed with Lillian before, and, well. she decided to take it seriously.]
I mean, I'd have to check with Astin, but, like. [her free hand went up, gesturing in the air in front of her before remembering that she was on the phone—and remembering something else.] I didn't see the hyperactive little nerd the whole time I was doing that fuckin' librarian cosplay. Hope they're doing okay, too. Anyway, yeah. Still on the table, probably.
[she'd. really prefer it if her themfriend hadn't fallen off the app. but there's no way to prove it, right? not unless she went over there and they freaked out about her legs, and she wasn't feeling that right now.]
And, I mean. I guess if it goes tits up with them for whatever reason and I don't even get the chance to ask, you already know I'm down.
Nah, just means you're a good person. Which I knew, but I'm glad some stuff doesn't change.
[she was smiling on her end of the phone, and yeah, maybe that was coming through with her voice. she kind of hoped it was, but it had been a while since she'd done it.]
Thanks. For real. Long as you don't turn it into a self-sacrificing thing or anything.
[Lillian drew out another slow breath, bringing her hand up to watch her metal fingers shift as she wiggled them.]
Ain't really my style anyway. [It so was.] Anyway. You know, I'm sure I need to get some sleep but the whole idea of tryin' again has me completely freaked out.
Realtalk? [she paused as though Lillian wasn't going to let her finish.] Fuck no. Of course it doesn't. It's just shoving shit away. Doesn't solve a damn thing.
[the difficult-to-mistake sound of a body whumping against a mattress probably came through on the call pretty clearly.]
I'm exhausted. I don't even know if I have the energy to go do all that shit I just said I was gonna do. I thought you were supposed to get rest when you were sleeping.
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Yeah, you were definitely uptight.
[A little pause, and her voice was teasing again, if lightly.]
Still hot though.
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No shit I was still hot. I wore glasses and two-inch heels. I could've stepped on any girl in the city and they'd have thanked me for the opportunity.
[and maybe she was swinging too far in the other direction, leaning too into her own identity, but she barely even had that and could anyone really blame her anyway?]
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...Does that mean you're gonna stop wearing glasses?
[She is literally heartbroken right now, Anna.]
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Maybe I'll wear 'em just for you. If you think I'm so hot in glasses. Wouldn't want to disappoint.
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Mm. [She made a thoughtful sound when Anna returned to the phone.] I ain't sayin' wear 'em all the time or anything. But they were definitely fantastic.
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[though there was that whole megane subculture that would probably draw some more people to her at work. ...if her boss still fucking wanted her there after a two-month absence. god. more stuff to figure out later.]
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[Lillian's flirting was always teasing and silly, but the way she said that, she clearly believed every word of it.]
But I was thinkin' more like when we hang out. Or you ever decide to take me up on that whole makin' out thing.
[And back to the teasing.]
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I mean, I'd have to check with Astin, but, like. [her free hand went up, gesturing in the air in front of her before remembering that she was on the phone—and remembering something else.] I didn't see the hyperactive little nerd the whole time I was doing that fuckin' librarian cosplay. Hope they're doing okay, too. Anyway, yeah. Still on the table, probably.
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I shall hope to be lucky someday, then.
[A little laugh that faded as she thought about Astin. Hm.]
Maybe they were stuck in their own weird thing too.
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[she'd. really prefer it if her themfriend hadn't fallen off the app. but there's no way to prove it, right? not unless she went over there and they freaked out about her legs, and she wasn't feeling that right now.]
And, I mean. I guess if it goes tits up with them for whatever reason and I don't even get the chance to ask, you already know I'm down.
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[Lillian sighed.]
Pretty sure I should punch myself sayin' this but, I'd rather you don't have go through somethin' like that, no matter how it might benefit me.
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[she was smiling on her end of the phone, and yeah, maybe that was coming through with her voice. she kind of hoped it was, but it had been a while since she'd done it.]
Thanks. For real. Long as you don't turn it into a self-sacrificing thing or anything.
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[Lillian drew out another slow breath, bringing her hand up to watch her metal fingers shift as she wiggled them.]
Ain't really my style anyway. [It so was.] Anyway. You know, I'm sure I need to get some sleep but the whole idea of tryin' again has me completely freaked out.
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[she was a paragon of responsibility.]
Gotta get my heart rate down somehow, yeah?
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[Hm.]
Does that work? Gettin' high to deal with stuff.
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[but she still did it anyway.]
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Well, makes me feel better I can't get high, I guess.
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[which was good. nobody needed to be like Anna.]
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Different ain't the same as healthy, you know. If I weren't exhausted, I'd probably go find somebody pretty to hook up with.
[Also if she didn't have robot hands. That was definitely going to put a crimp in her dating lifestyle.]
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[maybe she'd see if Astin was available for any, uh. aftercare? fuck.]
Sometimes that's all you got. No judgment here.
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And I mean, layin' down, but not the kind I wanna do right now.
[She snickered.]
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[the difficult-to-mistake sound of a body whumping against a mattress probably came through on the call pretty clearly.]
I'm exhausted. I don't even know if I have the energy to go do all that shit I just said I was gonna do. I thought you were supposed to get rest when you were sleeping.
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[Hm.]
On the upside, you're probably too tired to dream right now.
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Maybe I'll just skip getting high and let my body give up for a while instead.
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[Lillian stiffled a yawn of her own.]
And you can just gimmie a call if it ain't workin', alright? I'll leave my phone on my pillow or somethin'.
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