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Few days.

[ Yuri has his eyes out, and waves her toward his little hide out. There's some evidence of him having been here, the grass trampled and flat, the leaves shifted. He drops down, mostly hidden by the leaves, but there's enough of a space to look out. ]

He comes out after dusk, so it shouldn't be too long, now.

[ He glances at her with a quirk of his lips. ]

You holding up?

[ Closest thing to "how are you" Yuri can get ]

Best I can.

[she follows easily, and by the time they're both settled down and she's close to the ground, too, she starts feeling the energy around them shift. like it's just hitting her that this is an actual real stakeout and hunt that she's doing with a partner, even though by now it's been normalized for her. there's just an exciting sort of electricity in the air.]

Hanging out with friends, thinking deep thoughts. Had a good talk with Flynn for a bit about some stuff. [you know, just stuff.] How about you?

Been talking with Flynn, myself, too.

[ At least she's doing okay. Friends are good, he knows he feels better whenever he spends time with Anna, Blue, or Flynn. ]

He's good for that kind of stuff. Pretty annoying, huh?

[ Even if she said it was good. It's still annoying ]

I got a job.

I mean, he pulled my ass out of the fire. You and him both. Stopped me from being so lonely that I started hurting people.

[she gives him a careful look, like she wants to say something but she has the grace not to right now. not when there's something more important happening. but there's worry in the back of her mind.]

But, like, yeah, it's a little annoying. So like, [she shifts gears without the clutch] You're an official Hunter now?

...right. [ Okay, maybe joking about it isn't the right move here. ] Good. That didn't turn out great, for some people.

[ A certain person, who Yuri had to take care of, the blood still on his hands, despite the thanks he was given when Diluc came back from the dead. ]

Nah. I don't think the Hunters are for me. I'm a baker. This is just for fun. [ He waves generally around at them, out here, hunting ]

[there's an accepting silence as he tells her how it went poorly for others. she's been lucky so far, but she knows that the luck will run out. it just ran out for someone else sooner. solemnity has never been anna's strongest suit, but she can summon it when the mood calls for it.]

Baking's probably better for your health, yeah. [her eye scans his face again, and she tries to give away as little emotion as possible with her voice.] You must be having a lot of fun lately. You bite your lip a lot with those things?

[ It takes Yuri a second to realize what she means, then he grimaces and reaches up to touch the fangs pressing on his lower lip ]

Damn. They're back?

[ He sighs, hair falling across his face as he bows his head a little ]

The baking is good, but Lysithea is a brutal boss. Don't even think about being late, or slacking off.

Tons of fun. Just out here, stalking monsters. Not really making much headway on turning people back, but I think I have the hang of knowing which monsters are people. That one [ he waves in the general direction they're watching ] not a person. At least, hasn't been one for a long time. I'm pretty sure.

[oh, okay. so he knows about them. which means he's done this at least enough to realize what's going on. which. probably means it's fine? she's gonna try to assume it's fine. and he's going through these painstaking lengths to determine who is and isn't a person, too...]

[it all boils down to a lot of contemplation while he talks, and then a silent decision to just kind of accept it and go with it for now. benign until proven malignant, or something.]

I trust you. I can't tell the difference yet. Probably why I'm not signing up with the Hunters yet either. [maybe she just works better freelance.] It would probably take... I don't know. Capturing one alive and doing blood ministration to even try reversing the transformation. I know a minister.

[she'll connect the dot between what she just said and the cultists out in the woods soon. she just needs time to make the pathways as she scans the trees, no longer occupied with making sure yuri isn't going to turn into a beast next to her.]

Yeah? That would make sense. Maybe we perfect capturing them, instead of killing them.

[ It's not a terrible idea, and he contemplates it for a long moment. He's never been great at long-term planning, but if they want to figure out a way to help anyone who turns into a beast, they'll have to figure it out.

But, his mind can't stay on it for too long. He promises himself he'll tell Flynn Anna's idea.

Speaking of Flynn: ]

What'd you say Flynn said to you? Something annoying, right?

Christ.

[she mutters it emotionlessly, though she won't leave it at that because that's unhelpful. her body shifts while her mind figures out the best way to frame everything. she looks for a pocket to slip her hand into, but misses a couple times and gives up. whatever.]

It was about Rose. My ex. [the girl she feels like she talks about constantly but that's only because rose is on her mind all of the time. right?] He wants me to let her go. [she takes a second, pretends to look over the scene again. but really it's just bracing herself to agree with something out loud.] I... think I should, too. I just still don't know if I'm ready.

[ Flynn, why do you always have to go sticking your nose into other people's love lives? Yuri sighs, nodding his head ]

If you're not ready, you're not ready. Flynn's pushy like that, but if you can't do it yet... [ He shrugs a shoulder ] You shouldn't have to. But, hey, knowing you should sounds like a good step.

[ He smiles at her, just a small quirk of his lips ]

What are you holding on to, with her?

[ Because, he kind of gets it. He thought for a long time that he should let Flynn go, but he's pretty glad he didn't, now. ]

[maybe it is just a good step, knowing that it has to come someday. maybe that's progress. but she already knew that her days with rose were on a timer, even once she got here to trench. it could be progress, but the odds of it being positive progress are way, way too low for her to be happy not saying anything.]

She's the reason I realized I'm gay. She taught me to love the city that I was ready to give my life to protect. She made me so happy when we were together. [there's more she's not saying, but now she has to give the thorns.] But we broke up about ten years ago. Her family was falling apart, and she blamed me for taking her away from her sisters, and I blamed myself for it, too. We didn't say much to each other for a long time.

[it's for the best that she doesn't get into what she was doing during the intervening years.]

Then we met each other on the app again. Started talking more, getting better at talking to each other—which is why we broke up in the first place, you know? We rebuilt our friendship, I finally got to tell her I love her without being drunk... we had fun together again.

[a long breath out, slow in the air.]

The last time we really talked to each other, we agreed to give it another try. And then she fell off the app, and all the work we put into getting better for each other just... [she makes a breathless "poof" sound and pushes her fingers out, miming an explosion with one hand. secretly, she hopes it did something like attract the beast they're hunting so she doesn't have to keep talking about rose geteilt.]

[ No such luck, not yet, at least. The beast still hasn't appeared, even as the sun sinks lower in the sky.

He doesn't really get what an app is, but he listens quietly to her tell this story. It's the same story she told him when they sat with Cloverfield, but there's more in it now, more details, more pain. Not just the good times of when they were happy, but the pain, too. ]

So you never got closure.

[ It makes sense. Yuri gets it, in a way. He never really got closure with Niren, even with a funeral without a body. He nods, eyes skittering back to the spot where he's waiting for the beast to appear ]

So, it's that hope?

[ That she's holding onto. Something after they decided to give it another try, he guesses, but he doesn't want to put words in her mouth. He's never been very great at feelings, never wants to tell people how they should feel, never wants to assume. There's something about giving people the space to say what they need to say ]

Edited 2021-11-22 16:34 (UTC)

Maybe.

[she's not sure she can put it to words, she realizes while considering that she just gave him the same rundown she'd already given just to avoid answering the actual question. but he's called her out on it, even if he doesn't realize it, because she doesn't think it is hope.]

Maybe it's just... I don't know. I want to remember Rose the way she was the last time I saw her. She was smiling. She was happy. And you have no idea how rare that is for her. [maybe he does. she's sure said it enough.] And I feel like... if I let those memories go, out into the world, then the only Rose that's going to exist is the one that a year and a half of my life just didn't matter to. There won't be any more proof that...

[that what? you two could've worked out? you agreed to try again but didn't do anything afterward. that you're not the same person that she thinks you are? why do you care about what she thinks so badly? do you really think rose geteilt is going to be the first or the last person in the world who still thinks you're someone you aren't? is it something else? there's another thought that makes her throat hitch. she doesn't know if she can say it out loud, but she doesn't know if she can stop it, either.]

...I don't know. I'm just... [she breathes in. there's a tingle in her nose and she tilts her head upward. lifts her eyepatch, wipes at the duct next to her glass eye like it's going to stop anything. the words tighten her throat.] I don't wanna say goodbye to her yet, man.

[ Oh, no.

She's crying.

Yuri isn't great at dealing with tears. His default reaction is to leave, but he made her cry by asking, by prying, and he can't leave her here. She's such a strong person, and this is making her feel too much, clearly. And, hell, he's cried in Trench. Maybe these things just happen here.

Awkwardly, he reaches out a hand, then retracts it with a grimace. He doesn't want to be touched when he's upset, and she might be the same, so he drops his hand back to his thighs.

His voice is thick when he responds, cursing his inability to see someone cry without feeling something in return ]

You don't have to. I dunno, Anna, forgetting someone and letting them go, I don't think it's the same thing. [ Except he can't articulate what it is, then. He speaks slowly, trying to work out his own thoughts about this, not quite looking at her because his eyes are wet too and that's weird. Yeah, he feels something, but he shouldn't be feeling this much ]

You don't have to say goodbye to move on. At least, I don't think so. There was... my captain, when I was in the knights. [ He doesn't talk about this, not to anyone, really. It's years ago, but still raw, and his emotions are catching in his throat ] Niren. He was a good guy, but he died, to protect the rest of us, to protect his brigade. He believed in me, for no damn reason. I didn't give him one, but he thought I could be better.

I guess my point is, I still remember. I... think I get go, of the hurt of him dying, of what he thought I could be, but-- [ He holds out his wrist, a thick gold bracelet on it, with a hole where a stone used to be ] I still carry him around. I don't think it holds me back, but remembering him? It helps me.

Rose saw something in you, right? Maybe not the whole time, but it sounds like she loved you, and you loved her. Remembering that, that can't be bad. But that memory, maybe it can help you, instead of holding you back.

[she can tell, even if she's looking away and drawing the collar of the longcoat a little further up her face, that both of them are messed up right now. maybe not equally; yuri has a much stronger hold on things than anna does. but that's just the trend continuing, isn't it? people ten years her junior know how to handle this better than she ever has.]

[she rubs at her glass eye again. instinct, even after nearly three years with it. when she looks back over, she knows that the gold veins running through it like spiderweb cracks will be visible against the obsidian. she knows the word for it, but not much about the philosophy. if she did, maybe it would almost be poignant.]

The day I lost my eye, I was so ready to give her up entirely. They wanted to take every last memory I had of her, but I thought [sniff] as long as I could still be in the same city as her, I could start again. I wouldn't lose her even if I forgot her. Maybe I just thought it would never really happen.

['cause now she's here. she drops the collar of the coat and puts her hands down in front of her. she's not much of a wringer, but she doesn't know what else to do with them right now.]

She made me feel like I was worth being loved. And goddammit, she made me believe it. [she laughs, but it's thick and short.] She wouldn't be proud of me for sitting here crying about her. She'd kick my ass for wasting tears on someone like her, and I'd kick her ass right back for trying to tell me she wasn't worth it.

I just don't know how to tap into it anymore to even let it drive me. It just feels so empty here. [in more ways than one.] At least you have something you can hold on to for Niren.

[ Yuri wouldn't agree with that, if he knew she was thinking it. He doesn't have much of a grasp on anything, except that he knows he doesn't want Anna to be hurting.

He bows his head, feeling at a loss. Flynn is way better at this stuff than he is. He'd much prefer that monster come around so they could fight it instead of talking about their feelings. But talking is good. Talking is, it helps. Trying to go at it alone never works out. If only that lesson were easier to live out. ]

I'm sorry, Anna. I... people who see something in you, who love you, they're really something. She's not wrong, y'know?

[ His mind, of course, flickers to Flynn. Flynn sees so much in him, maybe not the same stuff Niren did, but something. Someone worth knowing, worth caring about, if not loving. Someone worth spending time and energy on, worth forgiving.

He knows exactly how it feels to not be worth that. But Anna is. She is, and he knows that as an intrinsic truth. Why wouldn't she be? ]

I dunno. Don't let me tell you how to do stuff. That's just... what I do.

[ His blastia brace, his hair, his sword. He holds onto pieces of the people he loves, the pieces of who he is, tangible proof that he exists, that someone cared about him.

Memories are one thing, but they aren't the only thing. ]

What if we made something? For Rose.

[ Maybe it's a dumb idea, but it could help, to create some sort of memento for her. ]

[it might hit him as a dumb idea. but as he mentions it, at the end of everything else—and she's not ignoring the part about how yuri thinks she deserves love, too, but if she thinks about that too hard she might not know how to speak for the next 15 minutes—her mind mercifully goes to that moment when she made a paper lantern with a little shitty drawing of her sister on it. and a message of love, sent out into the sky, that she hoped one day beth would find.]

[it's the act of creation, a more clear-minded and metaphorical anna might think, that helps the most. the way that even while you're letting something go, or while you're preparing to lessen some of the hold they have on you, you're putting all of that energy into something physical. something you can see, touch, hold, instead of a tangle of emotions inside yourself that nobody else gets to look at. that's why people write stories.]

[but she's not clear-minded, so she's not poetic right now. she wipes her eye one last time and exhales like she's suddenly tired, though she's doing fine on that front. which is good, because the hunt's supposed to be more physically taxing than emotionally, right?]

What if we did. [she gives him a look and a smile, remembering what they built for flynn. if there ain't a better example of her not being able to listen to her own advice.] I don't even know what it would be. But I like the idea of something I can wear.

[ Yuri smiles back at her at that. Maybe it wasn't a dumb idea, after all. Maybe he can help. She's helped him enough times at this point, he's just dead weight here, bringing her down. Maybe he can help, too ]

Well... "Rose," right? Not a bad place to start. Did she like roses?

[ It's simple, but sometimes simple can be the best thing. If Anna had some sort of rose, a pin or a broach or a knife with a rose emblazoned on it, maybe that would help.

He bites his lip, then holds up his sword. Even though he carries it around, he doesn't share this with other people, not really. ]

Guess I have a bunch of stuff for other people. This, this one's for Flynn. A reminder.

[ He pulls the sword out of its sheath to show a small engraving: The first one's for him.

Maybe the beast will show up any minute now. That would be nice. This is all getting a little too emotional for his taste ]

[it'd be nice. it'd be nice to just have the thing come up and ambush both of them. anna laughs dryly at the idea of rose liking roses, because there's a story to that, too, then watches him pull out his sword and show the engraving. it's sweet, is what it is, and she wishes she could spend some time on that, and she really, super, for real wishes she could explain all of rose's problems with flowers, but oops, her head jerks up and she pretends, in a way that she hopes is convincing, to hear something coming. she straightens her back and lowers her eyepatch again.]

Hey. Hold on, we gotta cut this short. I think it's nearby.

[she does not look away from the woods, but the longer it goes on the more obvious the lie feels.]

[ He pulls his sword the rest of the way out, turning to watch where she's looking intently. If the beast is coming, he wants to be ready.

But, after a long moment, he catches on. Right. It was too much, too much to share, he pushed too far. He barely wants to share his and Flynn's relationship with anyone, how it's shifting feels too new, too fragile, but he trusts her. And he trusts that she knows when she wants to talk, and now isn't it.

He doesn't say a thing, letting the ruse go on, the pair of them watching the woods silently for minutes, time stretching out in the silence, the sky darkening.

Then, ten, twenty minutes later, there is a rustle in the leaves, and a large beast lumbers out, its nose close to the ground, sniffing for prey. His hand tightens on his sword, and he glances at Anna, jerking his head minutely ]

[it's enough to feel guilty, honestly. that he goes with it so readily. that she can't help but wonder whether he actually wants to talk more about things, and if she just shut it down because she can't handle her own emotions. maybe right now she's just in her head too much. feeling too vulnerable and feeling like every step she takes is the wrong one. it's not an easy position to be in and she hopes very hard that it's just... the moon, or the cold, or the blood, maybe. she doesn't know. she just hopes it stops soon.]

[so she can stop sitting here in uneasy silence—silence that she never really grows to appreciate any more as her eye flits between the two of them and there's just steady breathing in the cold air. agreement never felt so uncomfortable.]

[she can't speak when the beast does finally appear, and secretly she's glad her lie eventually becomes the truth. this is the first proper hunt she's been on with another hunter, and her hand moves to her back to take out her blade as slowly and carefully as she can. her other hand tenses almost by instinct, like it knows that she's going to need the blood within it soon. just because her brain doesn't feel the pain anymore doesn't mean her body stops remembering it.]

[ Maybe he should have pushed. Maybe he shouldn't have let it go so easily, but talking about his own vulnerabilities, the soft parts of him that he protects with a vengeance, isn't comfortable. Being shut down only feels nature, a step too far for them both.

At least fighting, he can do. He can contribute that way. Yuri waits until the beast is distracted, snuffling at the ground, before he glances at Anna one more time, and smoothly pushes himself up and leaps over he brush they've been hiding in to sprint toward the beast, summoning up the scraps of mana in the air to throw a burst of blue at the beast, breathing: ]

Azure!

[ Stealth isn't always his tact, but right now, it seems like a good idea to get the first hit with the element of surprise on his side ]

[fighting is much easier, yes. she knows how to do that. she knows how to fight like it's hard-coded in her brain, because by now it is. every wire that is somehow pumping blood through her body thrums with life and electricity, and she cuts her palm open to coat her blade with the lightning that she's started using as her default.]

[she lacks a cool name for her opening strike, but jumps to her feet with an arcing slash that fills the area with the scent of ozone. the spark leaps from the tip of her sword out to the highest part of the beast, clipping a horn and adding smoke into the thick weight of the air around her. her corruption hasn't yet begun, but if anything's going to kickstart it, it's this. she can't deny there's a tinge of excitement inside her about it. maybe it'll be something that finally gets her feeling the way she used to.]

[ Yuri lets out a laugh. The beast knows they're there, now, and rears up with a roar. He skids under its legs and clawed feet and leaps up with another cry ]

Rising phoenix!

[ Flames follow him as he cuts the beast's side before slamming down on it with the butt of his sword. It's inelegant, sure, but it's effective, and he grins at Anna, glad to see her feeling this, too. Fighting makes him feel alive, makes his blood burn in a way it never does here, always frigid ice running through his veins. ]

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