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[hauntedsavior]

anna amarande

31/f. happily ever after we lived, the end.

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[hauntedsavior]

[in time, anna might understand. she might come to learn, if anyone decides to explain. or to jog her memory. or whatever. but right now it feels only slightly miserable, this realization that... once again, she's not present in people's lives. once again, she makes a big show of wanting to be important and the world keeps moving around her as she gets caught up in her own shit.]

[she swallows that down. this isn't about her. it can't be about her and her constant absence that makes her as much of a ghost as everything else right now. this is about gideon and kaworu.]

Not quite sure what I did, but... yeah. Of course. [she pauses, and her hand is still hovering around gideon's side, and she still just doesn't want to let go. instead, she thinks of something else. there's an actual question she wants to ask underneath it. it's too much to say outright.] So... do you still think that none of this shit is forever?

[lipochrome]

[ Anna tries to brush it off like what she did was nothing, like she doesn't know. Gideon knows how that game works. She's played every day for years, like a professional.

She slides her hands up to grab Anna's shoulders, and there's a new ferocity in Gideon's cloudy-gold eyes. Her jaw is set, like she's ready for a fight, or maybe even something tougher. ]

Come on. You know what you did. You have to. You're --

[ Gideon can't choke; that's not something corpses can do. Her voice falters anyway, buckling under the weight of honesty. ]

-- you're my sister. I never had one of those. You showed me what it was like to be better, and safe, and fuck. I'm not saying this right.

You never left. Not even when I tried to make you.

[hauntedsavior]

[ah.]

[that answers exactly what anna had been too afraid to say, and the lack of fear has nothing to do with gideon being a corpse. it has everything to do, anna thinks, with gideon being braver and stronger than anna could ever have been. to be open about her emotions, to say what she feels without drowning it in metaphor or mangled attempts at enneameter. she puts her hands on gideon's arms, just shy of her shoulders, and holds fast. (her face wants to crumple.)]

You're my sister, Gideon. [she doesn't correct herself. she doesn't know if she has to.] You were never going to get rid of me that easily, not even with how hard you tried. [she's not crumpling, or at least not all at once. she can keep this whole machine together even as she rattles herself towards an emotional cliff. promise.]

Even on my good days, I never really know where I stand on your dad, but I think I have a pretty good idea about you. 'Cause you're an awful lot like me when I was your age, and I guess... I just know what asking for help looks like. And a lot of times, it's a My Chemical Romance album and a stupid dick joke. [she sputters out a laugh as she gets through the last few words.] You fucker, you're making me cry.