hauntedsavior | ic inbox

Yeah. Just like I can feel yours.

[ Everything she feels from Anna, anxiety and confusion and happiness and love, she tries to treasure. To give it it's proper due, no matter how scared she is of hurting her. ]

Not much. It was too fucking weird. Uh... he got a little turned on, then I got turned on and it uh, turned into some fucking feedback loop and we didn't wanna talk about it. He felt... a lot of shit at once. Felt like shit working him up so bad.

Edited 2022-12-26 04:27 (UTC)

[there's something nasty inside of her that forms the bulk of anna's initial reaction. both of them turning each other on, feeding off each other, and—it's only a flash, it's a spark that she can snuff out. it's not important for now and it probably won't be important in the end of things. the emotion gets overwritten by guilt pretty quickly, too, because she just thinks about how she had worked venus up pretty well, too, and she's just as guilty as kainé here of whatever they decide to litigate. if anything.]

I get it. And I'm just happy that everyone got out and that you were safe. [her side still aches a little, tender to the touch. it's fine. she doesn't exactly smile, but there's the echoes of playfulness to her words. she's not trying to make a joke; the memory is honestly a little embarrassing. but it's a question that comes to her mind anyway.] Was it like the time I drank your blood?

[ Kainé feels all of that jealousy and guilt flow into her, and she just responds with a silent, knowing smile. There's no litigation. It hurts, a little, but love has always hurt for Kainé. Life always has. It doesn't hurt because she's jealous or guilty, not really. She just can't bear seeing her in pain. It's nobody's fault, really. Or at least, nothing she can assign blame to her for. Which won't stop her from feeling ashamed herself. ]

Not... really. [ She's certain of that, but it takes a moment to find the words to explain. ] It was, but it wasn't the same level. We already had something by then, you and me. It wasn't any fear or shame. Just trust. A different way of touching each other. This was learning about somebody I didn't know too well before. Getting a bigger picture. Something like that.

[ She puts her hand on Anna's shoulder, rubbing synthetic muscle beneath metal and ceramic. She knows they still get tense. ]

I can finish dinner. Go ahead and rest a bit.

[she's pretty sure she understands. she's pretty sure it's nothing to be concerned about—and really, it's reassuring to know that it's never going to be the same as with anna. (or if not never, close enough to never.) her thoughts calm down a little, and with very little assistance, they turn to food and rest and, like, normal things. and her emotions still, and there's a wave of peace at feeling kainé rub her shoulder, and it's all... for the moment, it's going to be okay.]

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. [sigh.] I love you, K. Thanks for being here.

[ She did feel anxious about dumping all of this heavy shit on Anna, knowing how she worries, how her insecurities plague her, but it's too important to ignore. For both of their sakes, and Venus' too.

She wants to leave it here, and there's certainly more that can be left for later, shouldn't be bothered with now, but she doesn't want room left for miscommunications and ambiguities. ]

And, look, if... I mean even if you ever wanted to fuck around a little... and that emphasis can be fuck, yeah? [ She smiles, surprisingly enough. She'd be a little jealous, but... maybe not so much at the idea of somebody being with Anna. She just doesn't want to be alone. Left out of things. ] I'd be okay as long as you told me. I... I think so. As long as you’re mine. As long as you come back to me.

[the weight presses just a little harder, but the way it's being brought up makes it feel like... like she's being given permission. for something she'd never do, admittedly, but. she turns around to face kainé again, and she fixes her with a smile that is at least genuine, even if the lines on her face complicate things, her forehead knitting with concern.]

There's no one else I would rather be with, Kainé. I appreciate it, but as far as, like, people I would seriously consider having sex with around here? It's just you. [she's trying very hard to sound sweet, which is why she didn't say "fuck", but she feels awkward about the whole thing in the first place.] I'm yours. I'm always going to come back to you.

[ Ah, shit, she's probably saying things wrong, isn't she? She's not trying to say Anna would be unfaithful, or that she wants to be. That's what living alone in a dilapidated shack gets her.

She hopes she understands what Kainé means. ]

Alright. Just saying, whatever comes up, let's... try and sort it out.

Yeah. Whatever happens... we'll talk it through, and we'll figure it out together. It's what we do.

[she knows the modern word for this, and she makes a mental note to read more about polyamory. to learn more about how it's supposed to work and what all the foundations of it are, and to see if it's something that she can actually agree with. it's going to take work and effort and a lot of conscious learning. she needs to try and she needs to talk and she needs to communicate. she can do this, she thinks, reaching up to place her hand on top of kainé's.]

Used to think it was like a curse. That nobody in my family ever knew how to have a real conversation, and that's why all our relationships died. But I think it's because of you that I'm learning how to do it right.

ic inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject