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I will not call her that.

[she can pretend. she doesn't know what happens to either of them if she stops pretending. she's terrified of it. she wants kiriona to still be her sister so badly.]

He been teaching you a lot about My Chemical Romance? Fall Out Boy? [she rattles off a couple more names, counting them off with her fingers as she goes. she's not getting agitated or anything, but she does sound a smidge defensive. shocking.] PANIC! at the disco, Marianas Trench, fuckinnnnn' the "Check Yes Juliet" guys? 'Cause I didn't think he wanted to drag those names out anymore, but if I was wrong then I'll take being wrong.

[ Kiriona doesn't recognize any of those names, which is something Anna can probably tell from her silence. The feeling that Kiriona experiences is a muted version of the one she used to get whenever Paul or Harrowhark joined the Emperor for tea. Jealousy, but directed inward, a why won't he tell me that? What's wrong with me, that I don't already know?

That's the nice thing about being dead, she supposes. She doesn't feel any of that as strongly, anymore. ]

Wow, Anna, you're soooo cool with all your old people music facts. I bet the girls are just making a line out the door, begging to hear about Mariana and the Shiny Rocks or whatever senior citizen-ass music you're into.

Mostly, he just makes a lot of posts on the network. [ what is it, three, now? So much posting. ]

Yeah, they actually are. I'm awash in the kinds of girl parts that you could only fucking dream of.

[she's tense, instantly. she wants to take a breath, but she's on call this time and can't just walk away, no matter how badly she wants to. come on, girl. you've got this. don't be a bitch.]

I'm not just saying all this for my health. I'm saying it 'cause I think it's the kind of stuff you'll be into. [if corpses even like music anymore.] If you ever really want someone to tell you more about the kind of old people music that your dad and I grew up with, it looks like only one of us is talking.

[she was doing so well.]

[ If anything, the hostility helps Kiriona relax a little. She's not the only one who's on edge. ]

I mean, I don't really give a shit about who grew up with what.

[ Let's just make that clear. Kiriona has a reputation to maintain. ]

But, like, sure. Whatever. What's a song I'd be into?

[ Said like a challenge, a test. Prove that you really give a shit about me. ]

One sec. [she pretends like she has to think about it very hard. like she's searching for something.] Here's a classic. I know the Black Parade's not in town anymore, but 'tis still the season.

[she slides gideon a link to fantasy youtube. it's a song by a band from not-fantasy new jersey, and she thinks she has kiriona's number with it.]

[ The Black Parade? What does that have to do with anything?

Oh.

Music on the Ninth was largely limited to the rattle of bones played over organs. Even after a year in Trench, the variety of music from other worlds still throws Kiriona for a loop. She recognizes at least one of the instruments from Anna's playing, although the person who sings it has a very....distinctive style. She's not sure if she likes it or not. The shit about their mama is pointed enough, and honestly just makes Kiriona roll her eyes.

But the song keeps going, keeps building, hitting her with shit like you should've raised a baby girl, I should've been a better son.

One, two, three, four, and Kiriona switches off the connection and screams right on cue. ]

[ Of course, if she says nothing, Anna will know something's up. A few moments later, a dry, hoarse voice responds: ]

Yeah. That's okay, I guess.

[if kiriona is anything like anna suspects, these next four minutes and 39 seconds are going to be agonizing. but despite that, she still thinks she's right. she thinks she's found the right song to introduce someone to a fantastic band with. and maybe that kind of emotional anguish is what kiriona needs right now. she doesn't know. she can't know.]

Yeah? [she isn't smug, though she can hear the way kiriona's voice frays. smugness is the wrong emotion right now.] The whole album's kind of like that. It's about someone looking death in the face, staring down all their memories and their regrets, and coming out the other end prepared for whatever the rest of the journey is. And it set the world on fire when it came out.

[this is more than just a music recommendation, in the end. but to anna, music has always been more than sound waves and sympathetic vibrations. everybody has some way to express what they're feeling inside, and anna has resonated so strongly with it as a medium ever since she was a tween and she first heard billie joe armstrong screaming out against the american military machine. she would never deny kiriona the chance to have that same revelation.]

I can send you the rest of the album. If you're interested.

Why the fuck would I be interested?

[ That comes out too quick. Kiriona's voice (always a traitor, even in her dead body) cracks, and Anna can probably picture her biting her tongue. It doesn't hurt. Nothing hurts, except this, and she doesn't want anything to do with that pain. ]

Because I'm dead? Is that it? Do you think I need inspiration?

Whoa, dude.

[it comes out before she can catch herself, and her head reels back a little. had she touched that much of a nerve? she doesn't think that it was on purpose or anything, but she doesn't know what's "on purpose" at all with kiriona anymore. she bites her own tongue, too, but only metaphorically. they're tense enough already, and they might be making progress here, so she just has to be polite. nice. in a way that she really wants to be real.]

I just think you'll like the rest of the album. It's 14 songs total, and they're not all like that last one, but they all work really well together. It's called a concept album, when they all tie into each other like that in one big story. [she doesn't know why she's explaining this except out of nervousness.] And it's one of my favorite things that musicians do.

[ Ugh, now Kiriona is the one who looks like an idiot. A more self-reflective person would resolve to get a better handle on their temper, but Kiriona isn't interested in that. Fuming is easy, and easy feels good. ]

Oh. So like a comic.

[ Kiriona says, to prove that she knows what she's talking about. Not because she's interested. ]

Yeah. Okay. That doesn't sound like complete shit, [ too nice ] but it does sound like music for nerds. [ better. ]

[making kiriona look like an idiot has never been part of anna's plan. making her look like a dick is admittedly a secondary goal.]

And yet you're the one comparing it to a much nerdier art form. Curious. [the primary goal is trying to make kiriona laugh.] But yeah, that's what it's like. There's another group that actually does make comics based on their music, but, like, that is some real nerd shit. Let's start you off with the rest of Black Parade and then we'll see if you can put up with Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume 1: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness.

You might think comics are nerdier, but they're how I got in bed with your mom last night.

[ That almost felt normal, almost felt good. The fact that Kiriona is getting anywhere close to that terrifies her, though. If things can still feel good -- if she still is good -- then what does it mean that killing Crux felt like nothing? Whose fault is it? ]

I can make it through nerd shit. [ Kiriona follows up, a little more clipped, a little tenser. ] What's it gonna do, kill me?

[ This is just a matter of not backing down. Obviously. ]

Christ, you've got a brave dick on you if you went for that nightmare.

[see, this is normal. she has normal feelings about her parents and about gi—kiriona talking about fucking them. she starts looking through fantasy youtube for good ol' pirated album streams and sends two links over.]

All right, I sent you both of those albums. My heart won't break if you don't like the other tracks on them, but I think you'll probably find something you're into. And if it turns out MCR and Coheed aren't your thing but you want stuff that sounds like 'em, let me know, okay? I got you.

One of the songs on the Coheed album is about a demonic ten-speed bicycle trying to convince a comic book author to kill off one of his characters, though.

Brave's not even the half of it.

[ Such a regular conversation! But this -- dick jokes and ridiculously bad parents -- is familiar territory.

The I've got you burrows its way in the space where Kiriona's heart used to be more than it should. She ignores that, and finds that ignoring isn't something she's lost touch with, these days. ]

Okay, so start with the Coheed. Cool.

[ It's not thanks. But it's not not thanks, either. ]

Yeah. Start with 'em if you'd like, or I can give you a couple other bands close to them if they're too much. We've got one called Mandroid Echostar that I wouldn't mind introducing you to.

[she pauses for a second. debates saying something. goes for it.]

She star on my mandroid 'til I echo? [aaaaand gives up on it.] Man, fuck. I'm no good at this. But let me know what you think, all right? Waiting to hear from you on purpose this time.

She echo on my mandroid 'til I star. [ Kiriona corrects, because she's great at this, obviously.

Kiriona could leave it at that. She probably should leave it at that. But the fact that after what's happened to Kiriona, after what she's become, after everything she's said to Anna -- that Anna is still waiting for her? That Anna still wants to hear from her?

It's a new feeling. It's almost like safety.

Quieter, like an afterthought: ]

Sure. Thanks.

No problem, Prince.

[a pause.]

Oh shit, I gotta get you into Prince, too. Okay, that'll be for later. Just hook back up with me whenever. Take care of yourself.

[she shouldn't hold on to hope. hope is the mind killer. but fuck it, she'd rather have false hope than none at all right now. and maybe... if this is really the way that kiriona is now, maybe this can be the beginning of something else. something just as good, or better.]

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